The Blender (Almost) Did It

Spoilers for The White Lotus season 3, episode 8, “Amor Fati.”

Erewhon, count your days. The White Lotus just dealt a massive blow to your whole smoothie deal. Near the end of the third season finale, Lochlan Ratliff almost meets his maker (Buddha? Jesus? unclear) thanks to what appears to be a Bosch VitaBoost 1600 W. How, exactly? Well, the night before, Timothy Ratliff stopped his suicidal ideations and started suicidally acting, gathering seeds from the needed-for-the-plot-plot pong-pong tree and blending them into some piña coladas for his family. All but Lochlan, whom he decided to spare since Lochy told his dad he could survive as A Poor.

Tim course-corrected before his family got fully annihilated, claiming the coconut milk had gone rancid — but he left the dirty blender on the counter. And Lochlan, being a dirty teen, didn’t rinse what he thought was rancid coconut milk out of the blender before making one of his brother’s protein smoothies. The poison took effect on the wrong brother, and we almost lost poor Lochy.

The internet found all this smoothie drama a little hard to swallow. “Who uses a dirty blender ?!!?!? Like I wanna feel bad but I can’t,” one Twitter user wrote. Below are the best memes and reactions to the smoothie-induced near-death experience of Lochlan Ratliff:

But we have one nagging question:Why not a Vitamix? That’s the bougiest/douchiest blender on the market. Did Vitamix not want the smoke, like how villains can’t use iPhones? Vulture has reached out to Bosch for comment.